A trap

I'm having many thoughts lately about my life, how I want to live it, what really matters.  Here are some of my thoughts, taken (roughly) from my journal.  While at different times in my life I have been a faithful journal keeper, right now my journal is more of a survival journal.  I use it for lists, sermon notes, budget notes and thoughts that I find I must get out onto paper.  I'm still more of a pen-and-paper sort of person, though I'm becoming more comfortable with typing my thoughts (which is really helpful when you're keeping a blog; the pen-and-paper blog just hasn't really taken off).

Here is a trap.  I feel convicted that I want to live for others and share my faith and so I determine that I need to read my Bible more, to be more disciplined and organized, etc.  And so in the process I become self-absorbed and set on achieving my plan for my own betterment.

What I need is the Gospel.

What I need is God's Word.

What I need is to be filled up with sweet water so that

whatever spills over is not bitter but sweet.

I cannot fill myself up like that.  

I can put myself in a position to be filled by reading God's Word, praying for the Holy Spirit and warming myself at the fire of God's love.

But having a more disciplined schedule, WHILE BENEFICIAL, will not lead me into godliness, will not sustain my soul, will not fill me up with that sweet water I so desperately need.

And here's the thing:  all this is already mine!  Jesus is ready and able, He stand waiting to help me.  He is so much more inclined to help that I am inclined to believe that He wants to help!

O Lord, the time is short.  Work in me, Spirit of God.  Fill me with sweet water!