Knowing someone
How important is it to know and be known?
I would submit that all of us have a deep-seated desire to be known and accepted.
When our oldest son went to a new school in third grade, he had a horrible year. His teacher didn't have any strategies for dealing with a squirrely 8-year-old boy, and he didn't even connect with another adult in that school. In fact, that year ended up being so negative for him, that I knew he could not go back there for 4th grade. It was so bad that when we would go to the school gym for voting, he didn't even want to enter the building with us.
I felt that for him that year, there was no grown-up in the school who cared to take the time to really know him. To see him, to look beyond his behavior and see the heart of the child.
Strikingly, the next year he went to another new school for 4th grade. As his mom, I was nervous and worried that is would be the same thing all over again. When I picked him up after the first day, I asked, "How did your day go, buddy?"
He replied, all in a rush and in a low voice, "It was good can I please go here for 5th grade, too?"
Wow. After one day, he was already thinking ahead to the next year. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but I think the difference was one of being known. At his new school, his teacher and other adults had an ethic of seeing and knowing their students and for this sensitive boy, it made all the difference.
I believe it makes a difference for all of us. Maybe not in such a dramatic way as for our son, but all of us want to be known.
I would submit that all of us have a deep-seated desire to be known and accepted.
When our oldest son went to a new school in third grade, he had a horrible year. His teacher didn't have any strategies for dealing with a squirrely 8-year-old boy, and he didn't even connect with another adult in that school. In fact, that year ended up being so negative for him, that I knew he could not go back there for 4th grade. It was so bad that when we would go to the school gym for voting, he didn't even want to enter the building with us.
I felt that for him that year, there was no grown-up in the school who cared to take the time to really know him. To see him, to look beyond his behavior and see the heart of the child.
Strikingly, the next year he went to another new school for 4th grade. As his mom, I was nervous and worried that is would be the same thing all over again. When I picked him up after the first day, I asked, "How did your day go, buddy?"
He replied, all in a rush and in a low voice, "It was good can I please go here for 5th grade, too?"
Wow. After one day, he was already thinking ahead to the next year. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but I think the difference was one of being known. At his new school, his teacher and other adults had an ethic of seeing and knowing their students and for this sensitive boy, it made all the difference.
I believe it makes a difference for all of us. Maybe not in such a dramatic way as for our son, but all of us want to be known.
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