Faces

What do you think about your face?

Right now several of my children have acne. Acne is just the worst. I had really bad acne, the cystic kind, into my early twenties.

When I was in graduate school, I decided that I wanted to finally take drastic measures against the horrible, painful, always present cystic acne that nothing seemed to touch.

So I decided to take Accutane. I remember that it was one of the first big medical decisions that I made completely on my own, as a grown up. When I look back now, I think, "How could I have been old enough to decide that?"

They do their best to scare you with the side effects (which they should) and you have to sign your life away (if you're a woman). Also, when you take it, it's not like things get better right away. 

Your skin flakes and peels. Your lips are alway, always chapped. It burns. It gets even redder than it was before and it seems like you always have bloody places on your face. And it hurts.

I can't remember how long you have to take the drug or when it starts to get better. But what I do remember is that after it was over and several months later, it seemed miraculous that I had no. more. red bumps!

This is not to say there are no more skin problems. But I had no more painful under-the-skin places that made me embarrassed, wishing I could hide. 

I feel grateful for that.

This is skin, but not a face. Actually proud of this scar.